“When your loved one dies by suicide, it is as though a bomb goes off. Many people find themselves in a cloud of shock, and words fail to express the deep loss that follows. While everyone reacts differently, the loss can be overwhelming. Time passes in a blur but over time the cloud starts to thin out and you begin to start functioning again.”

“You are not Alone – what you may be feeling” National Suicide Bereavement Support Guide

 Last night we were joined by some support workers from Pieta House at our first Survivors of Suicide evening.  Whilst we won’t have all the answers, we want to help each other on the journey. In many ways last night was an information evening with Pieta House providing lots of helpful information. A summary of the information is provided below to help us remember what we heard and for the benefit of any others who may be seeking help both for coping with loss or for helping with suicide prevention. At our next meeting we hope to be able to continue to process some of the information and help each other further in our grief, this will be on Monday 5th July at 8:30pm in Killoughter church.

Here’s the summary of the information provided by Pieta:

• Over 300 people die by Suicide across Ireland each year

• Up to 135 people can be affected by 1 Suicide

• The reasons why a person takes their own life are complex and may never be fully understood. What we do know is that people who die by suicide have generally experienced a lot of emotional/mental pain and difficulty for a significant amount of time.

• There is rarely ‘one thing’ which causes a person to die by suicide. There are generally a number of factors which have built up over a long period of time. 

Why Suicide Bereavement is Different 

•   Stigma ,  isolation, Judgement within community.

• Overwhelming Feelings (grieving with the volume turned up)

• Vulnerable to experiencing complicated grief responses

• Element of choice- feeling of rejection

• Fear- of other suicides

• Values and Beliefs can be shattered

• Questions without Answers– why?

 Normal  Feelings when grieving  through Suicide 

• Shock

• Anger

• Numbness

• Disbelief

• Searching

• Anguish & Pining

• Physical & Emotional Stress

Children & Loss

Pieta spoke about how the loss may effect children, in summary:

• Every child’s grief is unique

• Children experience the same feelings as adults, however, can express their grief differently

• Grief for children may come in bursts

• Children may ask the same questions over and over again

• Some children express their feelings through their behaviour and play

• Tell your child the truth (in an age appropriate manner)

• It is ok to show emotion with your child

• Give time & space to your child

• It is no one’s fault

• It is ok not to know the answers

We were then told about some warning signs of suicide to watch out for in ourselves or others:

Early warning signs include:

• Feelings of hopelessness

• Restless/ agitated/ irritable

• Expressing feelings of low self esteem

• Feeling depressed (sad or angry)

• Feeling life is meaningless

• Sudden improvement in mood

• Grief of a significant loss

Suicide Specific Warning Signs:

• Giving away precious possessions

• Tidying up affairs

• Writing or speaking about suicide

• Listening to music with a suicide theme or artwork of this nature

• Threats and statements about suicide

• Life threatening risk taking behaviour

• Suicide attempts.

If you are concerned about yourself or anyone else:

• 24 hour helpline – 1800 247247

• Text “Help” to 51444

• Samaritans 116123

• Your local GP or North East Dr on Call 1850 777911

• Gardai 999

Self-help resources

Stress Control online – www.stresscontrol.ie

Mental health podcasts and online workshops –  www.mentalhealthireland.ie

Suicide or Survive – Wellness Webinars –www.suicdeorsurvive.ie

Self-directed online programmes: Psychological First Aid –www.coursera.org

Quality assured mobile apps – MindShift, Headspace,  ClearFear

Some ideas to help:

•Talk about your Feelings

•Eat well

•Contact with Friends & Family

•Take a break

•Self Acceptance

•Keep Active

•Drink Sensibly

•Care for others

•Do something you are good at

•Get help & support

Supports in our Area:

Suicide Bereavement Liaison Officer – Kathryn McAree, Kathryn.mcaree@pieta.ie , 0858706591

HSE Resource Officer for Suicide Prevention – Emer Mulligan, Emer.mulligan@hse.ie 0861717563

Emer O’Neill – National Coordinator for the Suicide Bereavement Liaison Service Emer.oneill@pieta.ie , 0852540134

There was a huge amount of information given in the evening and we are very thankful to Pieta House for all their help. The overall message is that help is available. We decided the best thing to do was to meet again on Monday 5th July at 8:30pm in Killoughter church.

We concluded the evening by reading some wonderful words of hope for God’s people, looking forward to a day when God will wipe away every tear from His people’s eyes and end all sources of suffering for His people:

Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and the sea was no more. 2 And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride adorned for her husband. 3 And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God 4 He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”

Please don’t hesitate to get in contact if you want any further information or you would like prayer or to talk about anything raised. You can contact Nick on 4338204 or rectorofdrung@gmail.com