What do you do when someone hurts you? (Jer 38, 39, 52; 1 Pet 2)

If you live long enough, someone will hurt you. You have probably already discovered that. There are degrees of hurt, from the careless word, to the deliberate insult, to the physical threat and even harm, such as that faced by Jeremiah. What do you do with the hurt? Do you have to forgive?

There is no one who suffered more hurt or more unjustly than the Lord Jesus. That means He understands your hurt better than anyone. In our reading from 1 Peter 2 we learn something wonderful about how Jesus endured such hostility without retaliating. Have a look at v23.

“When he was reviled, he did not revile in return, when he suffered he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly.”

What amazing words. How did Jesus not grow bitter? How did He not retaliate? His secret was to entrust himself to the one who judges justly. That meant He knew justice would one day be done. He also knew that the punishment that would face unrepentant people would be so severe, that He was led to pray “Father, forgive them, for they don’t know what they’re doing.”

When someone wrongs or hurts you, it is helpful to remember that the person’s sin is primarily against God. Yes you may have been hurt badly, but a huge burden is lifted when you see their sin is primarily against God. You can trust that God is totally just, and that He cares deeply. When you realise the person will face God’s justice it leads you to want to pray like Jesus “Father forgive them.” Yes, they have hurt you, but they are facing something far worse, eternal punishment. But it is still possible for justice to be done and them to be forgiven, if they will turn to Jesus, the one who “bore our sins in his body on the tree” (v24).

One important thing to say, is that though we are called to forgive in our hearts, there cannot be reconciliation until there is repentance. In his book “Good and Angry”, David Powlinson differentiates between attitudinal forgiveness and transactional forgiveness. We are always called to have an attitude of forgiveness. To forgive someone from our heart, to pray to God and to ask for His help that you will not be bitter. To even pray that God would be merciful and change that person.

But we cannot have transactional forgiveness until the person repents. Attitudinal forgiveness is always possible,transactional forgiveness is also desirable but not always possible. In the book of Romans Paul tells us, that as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone (Romans 12:18). You are to have an attitude of forgiveness, but there cannot be reconciliation until there is repentance. In 2 Timothy 3:5 Paul also says some people should be avoided. Yes, forgive them in your heart, but if they are dangerous to approach, then pray for them, but avoid them.

So what are you to do when someone hurts you? See that their sin is primarily against God. Trust him for justice, forgive in your heart, and pray that reconciliation will be possible. Look to your Saviour who understands what it is like to be wronged, and draw near to Him in your pain.